Hatchet

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you took the super nerdy bad guy from Grandma's Boy, Kenny from The Cosby Show and threw in the usual cast of horror movie characters and a supernatural mutant then Hatchet is the movie for you. The tagline for the movie is "Old School American Horror" but Stereotypical American horror should be more appropriate. It's got the sluts, the token black guy, the crooks, our hero, hot heroine, and disfigured unnatural bad guy. It's a typical by the the numbers slasher movie and doesn't really add to much to the genre. I read all sorts of glowing reviews about this movie before watching it and I didn't see any of it. The only thing I'd agree with them on is that there is plenty of boobs at the beginning and enough gore to satisfy any gore fan.

A pre-Katrina New Orleans during Mardi Gras is the stage. Meet Ben . Having just broken up with his girlfriend, he's in no mood to see anyone's pendulous titties swinging about wildly as they remind him too much of his ex and the time they spent screwing on the couch his mom had bought them. Instead he wants to check out one of the other things that New Orleans is famous for -- haunts! This news comes much to the chagrin of his best friend, Marcus, who was perfectly content offering beads for boobs and drinking beer. Still, friends will be friends so the duo head off to take a haunted swamp tour. Little did they expect that one of the tales their not-so-skilled tour guide is relating actually has some validity ... the tale of Victor Crowley. You see, old Victor is on fire with rage and with good reason. He was born into this world deformed. A massive hulk whom people just didn't understand. One night a prank is played on him by some neighborhood kids that ends up costing him his life, or so everyone had thought. The truth is hatred and anger are driving forces that can last a really long time, and once our tourists end up stranded in Victor's neck of the swamp, the shit really hits the fan.

It's not a bad movie it's just not that good the ending is predictable if you've ever seen a slasher movie. The plot is silly and the dialogue is sub-par. It'll take you back to the 80's slasher movies but it might just make you remember why they don't make movies like that anymore.

2 1/2 out 5